Saturday, October 29, 2011

Shopping Saturday: Memories/Nightmares of Shopping With My Mom

Some women have fond memories of shopping with their mothers and doing other "girlfriend" things. Not I. My mother was never my friend and shopping with her was anything but pleasurable. It was a NIGHTMARE. Pure and simple. It was something I avoided, as much as possible, from the time that I was a young women till her dying day.

I know that going shopping with me may have been something that she would have enjoyed after I was an adult but the few times that I tried it ...well let's just sum it up in one word...disaster.

Let me give you an example, come shopping with me and my mother...I warn you ...these are scary, scary stories...Horror stories if you will...but then it is almost Halloween....

Mother didn't drive so when she wanted to go shopping she had to find someone to take her. Often that meant we had to re-adjust our schedule to accommodate her "immediate need" to go shopping. In other words you couldn't tell my mother, "Sorry I'm booked on tomorrow, how about Friday." OH NO. If she wanted to go changed your schedule. 

I remember once when we went to Macy's to get a wedding present. We browsed around the pretty things in fine china (dish freak...remember?) I was led into a false security that this time it would be okay. I was actually starting to enjoy myself. Then mother decided that she was not being waited on promptly enough. So she laid down on the floor.

I was horrified. I started telling her to get up and stop embarrassing me (This is the same women who used to tell me, when I was a little girl, not to show my ass in public.) Then, of course, a clerk runs over figuring my mother has had a heart attack or something...
My mother says with her most charming southern drawl..."oh, are you ready to help us now?"

Macy's was mother's favorite store. Mother wouldn't shop in K-mart or Target or any of the other "trashy" department stores. (Mother thought she was "above" all that.) She would once-in-a-while condescend to shop in Penny's or Weinstocks or maybe Liberty House. But Macy's was her favorite. 

I don't know why they didn't ban her from the store.

Once she felt she was not getting the attention she deserved. So she went into fine china and got a crystal ashtray then took it over to the furniture department. She sat down at a table and proceeded to light up her cigarette. Of course, she had a clerk (probably a manager and security as well) there to help her right away. I had made a hasty exit as soon as she lit up. I don't know why they didn't throw her out. 

Her favorite maneuver was the "Loud Voice" tactic. She would stand in the middle of the department and say in a very loud voice, "Well, I guess all the clerks have gone home for the day...or maybe it's self serve." 

To this day shopping is not my favorite thing to do...I have flash backs. Thank God for Amazon and E-Bay. 

1 comment:

  1. Mike does the loud voice thing... Which makes me do the very low voice thing (cue screechy slasher movie sound effects)